Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
