I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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