How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
