well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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