just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
