Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
