I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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