I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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