1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
