I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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