She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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