Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
