census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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