Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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