Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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