We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
