If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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