A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
