i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
