Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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