can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
