Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
