thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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