woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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