I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
