then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
