Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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