We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
