And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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