There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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