my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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