i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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