Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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