I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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