I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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