there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
