You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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