So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
