I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
