mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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