I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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