my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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