You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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