Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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