Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
