I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
