You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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