You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
