So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm jealous of your bromance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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