I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
