Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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