Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
