I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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