My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
