Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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