just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize