the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
