she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
