So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
