I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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